Thanksgiving at the Barn

Grandpa & Lindsey

     We spend a lot of Sundays in the barn at my parents house.  Mom has been making big Sunday dinners for us for as long as I can remember.  Roast beef, chicken, pork roast, boiled dinner.  Almost every weekend of my life. Wow!  What a service! What an amazing Mom I have.  She cooks, and bakes and serves her family not only food but a whole lot of love too.  Daddy is always there.  Carving the meat, greeting all of us at the door.  Full of smiles, jokes, news and sarcasm.  They feed us, love us, serve us.  How blessed we all are!

                                                                                           

                                                fMatt & Liam

        

     So Thanksgiving comes and here we are again.  All gathered in the barn.  Cozy around the wood stove.

Holly Faith Audrey

 Stacked like sardines at the kitchen table.  Trying to grab a plate and some roast beef before Joe eats it all.  The only difference on this day is that it is a Thursday and not a Sunday!

Daddy carving the turkey

  It is Thanksgiving, the holiday but I realized, that  my parents, make every week a holiday.  Every meal we share together is really a way to gather all of us under one roof.  Mom and Dad do that.  It is now only 1 or 2 Sundays a month.  Slowing down just a bit.  But still, dinner at Fred and Audrey FitzSimmons house is always a special occasion holiday or not.

Kristy & Colby

What more could we ask for?  The love, joy and giving of two parents holding 3 generations of family together.  Thanksgiving every day!

       Hailey & Diann

                                  WE LOVE YOU GRANDMA & GRANDPA

Headache

5/26/10 From my journal:
     I woke at 2 am with a headache.  It slowly got worse.  I finally got up and took some ibuprofen, laid back down and it got worse and worse.  I felt like God was saying:  "Stand up!"  Everytime I sat up in bed, it seemed to feel a little better.  I got out of bed again and woke Paul.   I ran into the kitchen and then proceeded to throw up cause the pain was so bad.  He held me and sat with me on the couch and prayed for my headache to be healed.   I just kept hearing the holy spirit say:  "stand up" so I told Paul - I feel that God is telling me to stand up.  So Paul said "well then I guess you'd better stand then!"  So I did.  And threw up again in the wastebasket.  ( sorry to be gross- but when the pain is that bad it causes you to be sick- and this was some seriously bad pain).
     All I could think as I threw up was that God was getting rid of something- the ibuprofen maybe?  the bad stuff of the day? the difficulties with Holly, the difficulties Audrey was having with a girl at school named Beth.  He was telling me that HE was going to heal my headache and heal all the other stuff too. 
     After I threw up yet again- I sat down on the kitchen chair.  My legs began to shake crazily.  I could not control them from shaking or stop them.  It felt so strange. 
"STAND UP!"
It couldn't have been any clearer than that.  I felt as if God was shouting at me.  So I immediately stood and my legs stopped shaking!  Paul held me and then I felt God saying something new.  "BE OBEDIENT."  so I said out loud:  "Stand up.  Be obedient."  (Paul probably thought I was crazy).  My head was still pounding and I was crying.  But I knew this was an encounter with God that I would never forget.  '    
     I sensed as I stood that I was standing in his strength not my own- because even sitting hurt my head more and sitting made my legs shake too.  So here I am standing-thinking I should be lying down and yet HE doesn't even want me to sit.  He wants me to stand in his strength. 
     I then lifted my head from Pauls shouder where I was resting  it.  I looked at the window and the pain was terrible.
Then HE said, "Put your head down." and I heard the word "Humble".  This was said lovingly but firmly.
So I said out loud: 

Stand Up

Be Obedient

Be Humble

After a while, I finally felt peaceful but still had some pain.  I walked to the living room to sit because I was no longer hearing the persistent "stand up" any longer.  I sat down and held my head up and sat quietly waiting until ~ no headache!

     Finally- Praise God!  the headache was gone.  I felt so peaceful.  I had gone through a phyisical battle but more importantly and more memorable to me, was not the pain of the headache but the sound of God's voice talking directly to me.  It was a kind of spiritual battle, where God is victorious,

That God won the battle!  And I had an encounter with God that was so clear and unforgettable.  That I will always hear Him saying to me:  Stand Up -even when you think you can't because I Am is holding me up!  Be Obedient! when I am tempted to take a step or a path that is not pleasing to HIM, or to go after my own selfish desires.  Be Humble! when I start to think I know it all and this will give me Peace! 

     I was never more grateful in my life as I was with the headache gone and the feeling of clarity that came with it.  Talk about- I can see clearly now the headache is gone!  Praise God!
     The following day I began doing my devotions in the morning.  I was reading the book of Ezekial.  I came to Chapter 2 verse 1 which says:  He said to me, Son of man, "Stand up,"
on your feet and I will speak to you.  As He spoke the spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me."  Oh wow!  Confirmation, directly from God's word.    Praise God.  I knew that the headache I experienced was a true encounter with my God.   I will never forget it.
      I have been praying for the holy spirit to be upon me and now I know for certain it has - it is!  When my legs trembled and God brought me to my feet - it happened then!  I never doubt that I have Jesus in my heart and along with that the gentle guidance of the holy spirit.  But this was a specific, completely memorable encounter with God.  Having gone to many women's retreats and situations where I have seen people slain in the spirit or experiencing unforgettable things, I had always longed for some kind of the same kind of experience.  I was skeptical that God would put me on the floor.  But the beauty of this was that God did just the opposite for me.  He stood me up!  He reminded me of my weakness and His strength.  He gave to me what I needed.  And then to give me this verse in Ezekial.  It was almost too much to absorb.  You are preparing me for what you will have me say and do for your glory.   All that is needed now is for me to be obedient to whatever He asks of me.

A Celebration of my Daughter

  

  I must say that my daughter Holly is the most complicated of my children.  Forever a mystery.  I am never quite sure if she is going to be giggly, or serious, quiet, or questioning.  Will she be a couch potato today or rearing to go?   Bored or ready for an adventure?  I never know for sure.  One thing I do know is that she always surprises me.

     I guess she is the child that is most like myself.  I tend to be moody, and introspective one day and goofy and crazy the next.  I need my down time.  I can be quiet for hours and then suddenly crave lots of conversation>    I guess Holly is the same way.  Once I finally learned to stop worrying about her and guaging what she was feeling, our relationship became a lot easier.  I need to let her be when she needs to just "Be."  and engage with her when she is feeling more extroverted.   What a joy when I was able to do this.  And how I enjoy our times when she is full of questions and silly!
     I guess when you are a sensitive person as I am you tend to look at people and attempt to ascertain what they are feeling.  I wonder, "are they happy, are they sad? do they feel comfortable at the moment? hungry, in need of something?  It can be so exhausting.  If I do it with my loved ones I am alot better at it because I love them so much and know them so well but with acquaintances or friends its not so easy.

     So, back to Holly.  I love you daughter of mine.  I watch you growing up and making your own choices and as difficult as it is I know it is time to let you go.  I can only pray that God will surround you with protection and songs of deliverance.  That He will provide for all your needs.  That He would pour out His holy spirit on you and fill you with JOY! 

one of my new favorite pics

     You have moved out since I started writing this a few weeks ago.  Now I pray even more for you.  I want to do more for you but if you want to be self sufficient, then you have to do for yourself.  I hope that you gain more and more confidence in yourself.  You are a beautiful child of God and he who began a good work in you WILL BE FAITHFUL to complete it!

God bless you my sweet girl!

Love Mommy
(I have always loved that you called me mommy for the longest time!)

Falling in Love

 I read the word, I seek God in prayer and through books about his word.   I know He reigns and I see His handiwork in the beauty of His creation throughout Vermont.  His Hand is on all things. He reigns!  His holy spirit speaks to me quietly. 
     But what about Jesus?  Recently in women's book group at church of the Rock I commented that I so admire Paul in the Bible because I could relate to him so much.  Probably because he had so many failings.  He also wrote many encouraging things.  One of the ladies said that I should not admire him more than Jesus.  I don't think that I do but that troubled me.  I wrote in my journal one day that I wanted to be so in love with God that I want to want what He wants, more than I want what I want.  Does that make sense?  He does answer prayer.   I guess He wants me to keep my eyes on Jesus.
    God kept nudging me to read Hebrews.  I follow a reading plan and Hebrews was not next on the list but when he nudges I listen.  I began to read and found myself falling in love with Jesus again!  This book of Hebrews is letting me see Jesus as God wants me to see Him.
   I could relate to imperfect Paul but Jesus was perfect_that I cannot relate to.  However He came to earth and suffered so much abuse, hurt, physical pain, rejection, temptation, humiliation and scorn.  He suffered every emotional pain that I have ever suffered.  (that anyone has ever suffered).  This I can relate to!  He hurt and so he feels my pains.  He understands it because he went through all of the same things.  verse 17 says:  "For this reason he (Jesus) had to made like his brothers (sister- me) in every way (suffering and living in this very difficult world)  in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. (me)  Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (me)
    How can I forget and not see this?  I have been reading about all the amazing miracles that He did.  How can I forget that he felt pain and rejection just as much as I ever have?  Help me to see more of YOU< JESUS!~Forgive me.  Let me fall more in love with you!  Fix my thoughts on you! (chp 3 verse1)

The Author of my faith!

The One who sympathizes with me!

The One who prays for me at the throne of God!

The One who calls me sister

The One who knows me inside and out

The One who has been through the same emotional pains that I have gone through

The One who understands

The One who died for me so that I can live with him forever!

I have a picture in my room of a couple on a swing in a garden.  When I look at it, I know that maybe the artist is depicting it as young love but when I see it, I picture myself swinging on the swing with Jesus.  He is looking down at me with love and I feel so safe!  And I have fallen in love with Jesus all over again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvUNkRbi5Rc

What He has done for me...

"They will be my people and I will be their God.  I will give them singleness of heart and action so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them... I will inspire them to fear me so that they will never turn away from me"...Jeremiah 32:40

God Chose Me

He prepared my heart for Him

He put the awe and wonder of His love into my heart

He made me seek Him with all of my heart

He did this for my own good

He inspires me continuously thru His word

He makes me long for Him

He makes me long to do better for Him

     How blessed I am that He chose me.  Thank you Lord for doing all of this for me!  Contiue to convict me and cover me with your holy spirit so that I can choose between right and wrong and to easily choose the right path.  Keep me from evil.  Always nudge my conscience so that when right and wrong; good or evil is upon me I will always want to choose good!

Goldfish in a Bowl

         I always dress up for Halloween.  I have fun trying to come up with something new an exciting every year.  The main reason I do dress up though is to entertain my patients.  I am a dialysis technician and my patients have to come in for their treatment three days a week for 3 to 4 hours at a time.  Needless to say, I spend a lot of time with them and get to know them well.  They are like family to me.  So Halloween is just a day when I can put something crazy on and know that I can get a smile out of them!  

     Last year, I dressed up as spaghetti and meatballs.  I've been a gypsy, an avon lady, a frumpy housewife, a green crayon.  It really is hard to remember all of them.  Anyway, this year, one day when I was not in the greatest of   moods, it occurred to me that I felt like a goldfish in a bowl.  I have to walk amongst nine patients and assorted technicians, doctors, nurses and support staff and maintain a professional and "happy" attitude.  Boy is that hard sometimes.  I am in this glass bowl and everybody sees me and what kind of mood I am in.  And being the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve I am not always very good at pretending to be in a good mood when I am not.  However, I do my best.  Sometimes I just simply tell the patients I am having a rough day.  I carry on and usually there is someone there who can lift me up out of a bad mood.  So I thought that I shall be a goldfish for Halloween this year and set to work finding orange and gold items to assemble it!

     It occurred to me that as a Child of God, it doesn't matter where I am or where any of us are.  We are all kind of like a goldfish in a bowl for all the world to see.  What kind of fish do I want all those around me to be seeing?  Hopefully I will be showing others a side of me that is kind, compassionate, loving and full of joy.

In Matthew chapter 5, it says; "You are the light that gives light to the world.  A city that is built on a hill cannot be hidden.  And people don't hide a lamp under a bowl.  They put the light on a lamp stand.  Then the light shines for all the people in the house( or in my case; in the dialysis unit).  In the same way, you ( I ) should be a light for other people.  Live so that they will see the good things you do.  Live so that they will praise your Father in heaven!  Matthew 5: 14-16  Hopefully, I do that for the patients I take care of and the people I work with.  With the help of my Father, I can. There is always room for improvement.  But with God all things are possible!