You’re Closer to God than you Think

     You’re closer to God than you think said my mentor Lucy to me one day.   Lucy was my friend and mentor from church.  She knew me well.  She was full of wisdom and always had a good word for the women of our Bible study.  Many times I have reflected back on that statement and thought “Wow” she sees that in me. Then I should see it in myself or feel it at least.  So should you!  This led me to write a poem came out as I considered her statement. 

When you Doubt

Are you close to God?

Do you wonder?

Do you fear?

Remember, your feelings are not reliable dear!

Senses can lie

If you are questioning why

Emotions are fickle

Remember that when doubts begin to trickle

If you gave your life to Jesus

Do you remember that day?

The day you found grace?

The day you found faith?

It’s as true now 

As it was then

He Gives Once

For eternity my friend!

By our love

By our fruit

By our prayers up to YOU

By our Faith, not our doubt

By our praises

We should shout

We may be Thomas on the inside

Needing to see your face

But it all comes down to one thing

GRACE!

Our faith may be tiny as a mustard seed 

But that is all we need!

YOU are LORD

YOU are mine

I am yours for all time!

     I guess one way I know for sure that this is truth is that it is innate in me to talk to God.  Even when I wake up in the middle of the night, my first thought is often to pray.  Just a whisper, a plea; help me!  Be with our children!  Guide us!  Show me!  Help me to trust in You more!  Or even, Help me to fall back asleep, please! 

     John 13:35 says that "they will know that we are Christians, or followers of Jesus by our love!"  Christian - it means follower of Christ, which I am !  The word " Christ" in Greek is equivalent to the word Messiah in Hebrew which means anointed one.  Ah, what a special word!  This means to consecrate or make sacred.  I cannot anoint myself so I believe by faith that God has anointed me with the blood of Jesus.  HE chose me and I accepted HIS love.  I carry HIS love within me and try to pour it back out to all those around me.  

     But most of all, even when I fret and doubt, it all goes back to one basic theme; Faith.  "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1.  I do not rely on warm, fuzzy feelings. (though I used to). I rely on faith in the Word that I know to be true.  I also rely on the verse in John chapter 20 in which Jesus says to Thomas, "Have you believed because you have seen me?  BLESSED are those who have not seen and yet have believed." verse 29.  I have not seen but I sure am blessed!

     So, yes I guess I am closer to God than I think!  So glad I have the truth of His Word in my spirit!

I pray that this post helps to encourage you if. you ever have doubts.  Please Lord, remind your children that once they give their life to You, You will never leave them or forsake them!

August Ann Airoldi

    "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart."  Jeremiah 1:5
A blessing for you and your Mommy and Daddy
     "But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who reverence HIM.  HIS salvation extends to the children's children of those who obey HIS commandments!"  Psalm 103:17 and 18

     Hello to you my newest granddaughter!  Welcome to the family!  Your name is August yet you were born in May.  I am sure many people will question that throughout your life but that is ok.  I love your name.  I am your Mima and my birthday is August 16th so maybe that is why I am partial to that month and name.  Your Daddy's birthday is in August also.    I decided to look it up and the first definition I came across says, "marked by majestic dignity or grandeur"  Wow!  Sounds like royalty!  Honored, esteemed and highly regarded are some other definitions that I came across.  So know that your name is special and so are you!  You are the daughter of a most high KING!  He has good plans for your life and you are loved!

     On the day that you were born, May15, 2019, your Mom texted me around 5 in the morning to ask me if I was at work yet.  I said " Are you in labor?"  She said, " I think I am.  I am getting in shower.  contractions are only a few minutes apart."   I was getting ready for work and had to be there at 6:00 am so I was wide awake.  I told her I would come right over so that I could drive her and your Daddy to the hospital.  I said,  " I'm on my way." and Mommy said, "Ok I' m rushing to get ready it was kind of sudden."   Labor is like that.  When you least expect it!!  I arrived at your apartment at 5:47 am and Mommy and Daddy came out.  I drove them to Northwest Medical Center and dropped them off at the Emergency entrance.  By 7:54 am I received a message from Mommy telling me that you were here.  Wow, that was fast I thought!  I was grateful to be working right next door at Dialysis so I knew I would get to meet you very soon.  That made me so happy.  I am glad that your Mommy had a quick labor and delivery.  You were healthy and strong and had a lot of dark hair.  You are beautiful just like your Mom. 

You look so tiny!  all 6 pounds of you!

Mama is so happy to meet you!

I am so happy to meet you too!

I love you August!

Welcome Miss Layne!

  

      I welcome you to the family and this great planet earth lil Miss Layne Kennedy Lavallee! Just so you know, I am your grandmother.  The other grandchildren have dubbed me as "Mima" and I hope you will do the same.  I am writing this story about you and your Mama so you will never have any questions or worries about how much you are loved by this family!  Most of this will be told by my perspective because I like to write.  I am sure your Mama will have plenty to say to you as well!

      What a privilege to be at your birth and to support your Mama and Daddy as they begin this road called parenthood.  Before you even got here, you were so loved and so wanted.  Every day since your Mama shared the news of your imminent arrival we have prayed and planned and worried over your coming!  The day I found out your Mama was expecting you was completely unexpected by me.
It was a Saturday in early October.  Your Mama and I went to St Albans store, Lenny's to buy my brother Joe a gift for his birthday.  I pulled into a parking space.  Audrey reached into the glove compartment, rummaged a bit and pulled something out!  She tossed it on the seat  and burst into tears immediately! It was a pregnancy stick with the pink plus sign indicating that she was pregnant!  I was so surprised and I think she was too but sometimes in life, the unexpected can turn out to be the best blessing of all!  she was emotional, surprised, scared and happy all at once and all I could do as her Mama was hug her, congratulate her, and listen!

     Your Mama was mostly in shock but I know how thrilled she was to know she was carrying a baby in her womb!  To watch her plan, and adjust and load apps on her phone about pregnancy was fun.  She reminded me of myself in her need to plan and learn as much as she could to have a safe and healthy pregnancy.  Early pregnancy for your Mom was tricky and not without its scares. I will not go into detail but we did make a few trips to the Emergency Room.   We prayed so hard that nothing would happen and that you would be healthy and that your Mama would be healthy too.

This was a few days before You were born.  Mama had to sit for a stress test to make sure you were healthy and well!!

     Your due date was June 6th, 2019 and in May your Mama began to experience high blood pressure readings.  The midwives in Burlington were concerned about preeclamsia developing and so they decided it would be best for her to be induced.  The date was set for May 20, 2019 and I was delighted that I had the day off from work and that your Mama wanted me there for the birth.

     I met your Mom and Dad at their apartment and your Dad was ironing a pink shirt to wear to the hospital, knowing that you were a girl.  For some reason, he changed his mind.  I guess he is not a pink shirt kind of guy and decided on blue instead.  Bags were packed and we headed to UVM medical center for the big day.

     We got there around 10:30 am and the room was on the top floor of the hospital filled with big windows and an amazing view of Lake Champlain and the campus of the college.  The whiteboard on the wall said, Goals for this stay!  "Meet your daughter!" Also your nurse was Joanna and the midwife to deliver you was Cory.

     They decided that since you were premature by 3 weeks that your Mom needed to have a procedure that involved inserting a Foley balloon catheter so that it would allow her cervix to ripen and thin.  It all sounded so simple and easy............ This was around  12:15 pm and then labor began!!!   Contractions started almost immediately and I must say that you, Audrey were amazing. By 1:30, they suggested that you go in the bathtub so that it might be more comfortable  This is when I suggested that you concentrate on breathing through it. Only a woman in labor can understand how vital this is.  It is truly the only thing that helps you to focus.  You, Audrey took to this advice like a pro and although I have not attended many births, I admit that you were so completely in control and focused like no other! Contractions were literally a minute to two minutes apart and not much relief between.  I was so proud of you although I hated seeing you in pain.  Daddy and I took turns sitting with Mama while she labored to encourage her.

     The nurse had suggested that Mom order lunch from room service before labor had started.  So when we got her out of the bath tub around 2:40 pm, it had arrived.  Mama sat on a big round bouncy ball and for some strange reason her contractions subsided.  I can only say that this must have been a gift from The Lord!   She happily ate some delicious chicken, broccoli alfredo as if she were dining in a fancy restaurant.  (This alfredo will come back up later in the story!)  I guess that was His way of giving her sustenance for the long labor and day ahead!
 
     Your labor started right back up again shortly after this welcome reprieve and yummy lunch!  You went from sitting on the balloon at the end of the bed to the recliner in the corner.  Daddy had to run to work to fill out some paperwork for insurance so I sat with you.  I was able to take pictures and a short video of Mama laboring.  I knew when all was said and done, it would be hard to remember the details and she would enjoy looking back once the pain was over.  Truly she was completely concentrated on breathing through the contractions that never seemed to stop.  Honestly, I don't know how women endure it sometimes.  The reward of holding our newborn baby in our arms makes it all worth while.  I encouraged Mama by telling her that each pain would bring you closer!

     When Daddy got back, Mama was having a lot of back pain so we took turns putting pressure on her lower back as she continued to sit on bouncy ball leaning over the bed.  At around 4 pm, we were realizing that the Foley catheter has not fallen out yet.  The nurse has reassured Mama that once it does fall out, that means that she has dilated a lot and then maybe things would start moving more quickly for your arrival!  But 5 o'clock came and still no sign of that darn catheter.   Mama awkwardly maneuvered from the chair to the bed to the bouncy ball to the toilet, she continued to have hard labor every minute with contractions lasting about 40 seconds.  All I can say is that I prayed a lot,  please Lord let this baby come quickly!

      Cory suggested that they inflate the balloons in the catheter by another 20 cc's so that maybe it would make things move a little faster.  As Mama was on the throne in the bathroom they inflated the balloons which only caused a lot of pain for her.  She insisted on them removing the saline.  Still the catheter remained.

     Back to the bed where they adjusted Mama on all fours on the ball to help with her comfort level.  Truly, she did move from ball to bed and back again!! Sh tried many positions to get through this rite of passage into  Motherhood!  Still no sign of that catheter.  All the while, Daddy and I continued to encourage and apply pressure on her back.

     At once point the nurse encouraged mama to walk out into the hallway.  There is a huge set of windows out there with an incredible view but what women cares about a view while in the throes of labor?!  She ate an Italian ice while holding on to a railing and was about as uncomfortable and unhappy as I have ever seen her!  This is when she began to question.  "How much longer can I do this for?"  I can't keep doing this!"

    

     It is now almost 7 pm and Mama is wondering if she can keep laboring this intensely.  "Why isn't the catheter falling out?"  "Can I have an epidural now?"  The midwife tries to deter this path of getting an epidural as she believes it is going to slow down Audrey's progress,  Audrey does not care anymore.  She just wants to be done. Cory suggests another bath and the nurse begins to fill the tub.  At this point in the day, it is hard to remember everything because things seemed to move very quickly from here on out.  The tub is filling.  Daddy decided that probably it is time to get an epidural and speaks up for Mama.  "Do you want a bath or an epidural Audrey?"  Audrey states that she wants the epidural.

     Mama stands to head to the bathroom.  We try to help her walk over between contractions and suddenly she begins shaking and vomiting all at once!  At around 7:30 pm, the foley bulb decides to make its exit and we know that perhaps she is dilated enough and the end is in sight.  Back into bed and the midwife requests the anasthesiologist to come and give her the long awaited epidural to relieve her pain.  He finally arrives at 8:50 pm!  I leave the room so that the procedure can be done and come back to find my girl in a lucid, calm state of mind.  What a relief to see her out of pain but I am sure I was not as relieved as she was!

     She continued to have labor but now we watched the monitor as each contraction came and went.  One side of her body was quite numb the other not as much so.  We asked the nurse to check and see how dilated she was at around 9:30 pm but the were going to insert another catheter for urine and she wanted to wait until about 10 pm.  I questioned whether I should go home as I had to work at 5:30 in the morning the next day.  I hated to leave her.  I am so glad I stayed!

     Daddy and I sat beside Mama while she labored.  All of a sudden the room was full of people!  We had stopped looking at the monitor for a while so unbeknownst to us, your heart rate had started to drop!  The medical team came rushing in and there was talk of c-section.  It seemed  so chaotic and unreal.  Mama was shaking and trembling.  This is a normal part of labor but it seemed so frightening.  One nurse had a clipboard and a pen and was asking Mama to sign a release form for a c-section to be performed.  I began praying hard!  I just wanted Audrey to have an easy delivery!  This was not in the plan.  Not at all! I quickly sent a message to Paul, Faith and Auntie Sue to pray along with me!
     The doctor began to watch monitor closely and then they decided to put a fetal monitor on your head so they could better monitor you. Then suddenly your heart rate started to get better again. We all breathed a sigh of relief.   Things went well for abut ten minutes and the nurse and midwife placed Mama in all kinds of strange positions so as to take the pressure off of the umbilical cord which was causing your heart rate to drop. Unfortunately this process was short lived and Dr Wagner was called back to the room. She watched closely but after three drops in your heart rate, she called for c-section!
     Things moved even quicker this time!  I hated watching my Audrey cry as they wheeled her from the room to the operating room. They told Daddy they would come back for him in a minute. I just kept praying!  Lord Jesus please protect Audrey and baby and bring them through this safely!

Soon they came back with paper garb for Dustin to wear. 

He put the clothes on and rushed to the delivery room to see you born but alas he was back in less than two minutes. That scared me but apparently Mama felt pain so they had to make him leave the room so Mama could be put under general anasthesia. We paced and worried. The midwife ran back in to get Audreys phone so that she could take your first photos!  We didn't have to wait long because within minutes, a beautiful bundle appeared in the nurses arms and that beauty was you Layne!!

     Daddy smiled so big.  He was so thrilled to meet you and thought that you were the most perfect thing he had ever seen.  The joy you brought him was a sight to see.

     I was thrilled that I got to hold you so soon but we anxiously waited for Mama to wake up from the surgery. Meanwhile we examined you and counted your fingers and toes!   All accounted for.

     Finally Mama was wheeled back to the room. She was groggy and anxiously peering about to get her first look at you!  Oh what a happy mama when she saw your sweet face for the first time!   What a special day this was!  Happy Birthday Layne!

I love you!!

A letter that Daddy wrote, memories from WW2

 

   A letter written to my nephew Billy from my father, Frederic J FitzSimmons.  This letter is a treasure because Daddy did not share about his experiences during the war.  He really never talked about it to us children.    So this letter gives a small taste of what he did when he was overseas. 
I have been wanting to type it out and get a real feel for what he went through in this story he tells.
 
8-13-11
Franklin, VT


Dear Bill
     I left off where the Japs surrendered - Guys who had been overseas the longest were sent back to the States right away.  Rest of us were assembled as the 1st Battalion - 3rd Marine regiment.  There were twenty thousand Japs on ChiChi Jima who had to be repatriated to Japan.  We boarded a LST ( landing ship tanks ) in Apra Harbor Guam and sailed North - only took a couple of days.
     Perfect harbor at ChiChi.  We were told there were some bad actors on the island but I didn't understand.  Everyday a small ship or two would arrive (Japanese) and take 4 or 5 hundred Jap soldiers home.
     One morning my lieutenant got a squad of us - 13 men - together -- we were going out to a small island in the harbor -- we were warned not to let anyone slip by us.  We grabbed this Jap officer and brought him back to our Brig.  That's when I found out some of these officers were wanted for beheading our fliers and then eating their livers and other body parts.
     My Platoon sergeant was Hugo Marcolini.  He had been a starting guard on the St. Bonaventure football team.  Sergeant Marcolini was also a hand to hand expert - ju jitsu - forget what we called it then.  Sarge says to me -- hey Fred, these guys have a real hot shot wrestler -- a Captain Yoshii.  So I want to put on a show for C - Company.  He said I need a guy like you to demonstrate with.  He said the Captain Yoshii and himself would throw me around the mat showing their different skills - I was to remain passive throughout.  They took turns flipping me and the Captain was terrific.  So was Sarge. 
     Two weeks later -- found out that Captain Yoshii was a murderer and a cannibal.  ( My hand is cramping now - take a break.)  Never would have taken part in the show had I known.  Captain Yoshii was hanged for his crimes.
     There were so many small episodes that occurred there -- could not recount them all.  Then my Platoon took a DE ( destroyer escort) South to the island of Ha Ha Jima.  We brought a U. S. NAVY demolition team to destroy large gun emplacements in caves on the mountain sides.  Amazing rock tunnels with railroad tracks for the huge artillery.
     Saw two ranch like dwellings that belonged to the Nathaniel Savory family -- he was a whaler from Nantucket - landed there in early eighteen hundreds. 
     Left ChiChi -- back to Guam -- disbanded 1st Battalion --sent more people home.  rest of us boarded ship and sailed to Sasebo Japan.  We spent months in disposition of weapons and ammo.  Every day we had laborers load small boats and it was taken a couple of miles out to sea and deep sixed.  Thousand s of tons.
     came back to the States in August, 1946.  was honorably discharged August 21st.  Would not exchange that adventure for anything.  Dozens of small items - some stern and sad -- many funny too.  Didn't do much but I made it back.
                                                                        With love for Veronica and Olivia
                                                                         Grandpa Fred




     I wish he had shared more with us but I know that sometimes things are too painful and personal. 
I do know though that at the end of his life, two years ago that it was a privilege and a joy to be able to spend that last few weeks spending as much time as possible with him.  He shared and loved on all nine of us kids with abandon. Mom, Julie, Ann, Mary, Sue and I hung out on the bed in his room.  He sat in his recliner, holding up the ever present  Boston Herald and looked over at as and said how happy it made him to see all of us there.  When he tired he would  tell everyone to "scram" "go read" or something.  
     While in the hospital, previous to this, Daddy spent some time with our Pastor Jason McConnell and another priest.  It was then that he gave his heart to Jesus.  After spending time in prayer, he said,
"I found grace! and it feels like Christmas!"  To hear my rough, gruff Daddy say this was balm to my spirit.  After many years of praying for him, to know that he had found peace at last and would be in heaven for eternity was such a gift. 
     One afternoon, as I sat on the floor beside his recliner, he said that the priest said he should pray and for the first time in my memory, my Daddy prayed for me!  He said a simple prayer, thanking God for the day and the birds and prayed a blessing on Paul and I for when we moved to "the south land of America."  It was short and sweet but so memorable because it came from his heart. 
     In another conversation we had,  Daddy talked about his life, having gone overseas, drank for many years, raised nine kids and so on.  He pointed up and said, "I have one ace in the hole!, my guardian angel!  You may think I'm cuckoo but I know now that it was this angel who watched over me all these years."  It wasn't those exact words but he could either see or sense the angel that was right beside him in that room waiting to escort him home to heaven. 
     I am so grateful to have had that time with him.  I miss him so but I am confident that I will see him again someday.  This promise tells me so:
"Do not let your hearts be troubled.  You believe in God; believe in me as well.  In my Fathers house are many rooms; if that were not so would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and welcome you into My presence, so that you also may be where I am."  John14:2

That smile!

I am glad I have this picture of us even

 though it shows off my "honker" of a nose!

Trip to Southport NC

 

Sunday we took the girls to Fort Fisher to take the ferry over to Southport.  Emily is visiting from Vermont and Faith's friend Dylan also joined us.  Here we are waiting for the cars to load.  The ferry goes out every 45 minutes so we got a chance to have a snack and walk around.  It was so nice out on this day, uncommonly cool for a July day in NC. 

 

 

 

 A fellow passenger was kind enough to offer to take our picture.

 

 

 A nice breeze and a bit overcast to start out.  It felt good!

 

 

 

 

 

 A friendly visitor who likes to eat chili cheese fritos!

 My loves! 

 

Emily, I do believe you are a bit like Grandma and don't like to have your picture taken!

 

 Happy girls!

 That's better!  Smile a little smile for me .... Emily!

 

  

A little Coast Guard action.

When we got to Southport, we stopped at Fishy, Fishy for lunch.

 

 

Nice indoor / outdoor dining next to the waterfront.

 

 

Yummy clam chowder!

 

 

   

A little park beside the Southport police station with this amazing tree!

 

Hi Dill!  What a fun nickname. 

 I am afraid once I heard her Mom call her that, the name stuck!

 

 

Faith was brave enough to climb up high. 

 I couldn't in my flip flops!

 

 

 

Wow~!  I just love this tree!  One of my favorite parts of the day!

For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace;

 the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing,

 and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."  Isaiah 55:12

 

 

 

 

 

This one was beside it! 

Magnificent!

Silly face, tired of getting her picture taken!