Planting Seeds

    I love to garden.  I have started alot of my perennials from seeds.  One flower that really takes off well is the Daisy!  I remember putting tiny seedlings in the ground about 4 years ago in the garden closest to my house.  Feeling excited and hopeful about how pretty they would look.  I love daisies.    Well, they grew! And they grew and they grew and they grew!  This year I had so many daisies that I could not even see the rest of the flowers.  Maybe about 50 plants and tons of tiny baby daisy plants. I do like them but they were really starting to take over so I knew it was time to dig some up and give them away.  To move some away from the house to the field where they can take up all the room they want.  I want to have a couple in the garden but I also want other colors and textures.

     I couldn't help being reminded though of the way this compares with life.  Hopefully, I am pleasing the Lord as I sow seeds in HIS kingdom.  Seeds of kindness to my patients.  Seeds of helpfulness at church.  Seeds of friendship and love to my family and friends.  And especially the seeds of salvation to those in need of a savior.  I like to think of the abundance of flowers in my garden as proof of the seeds I planted.   All of those flowers are beautiful.  Hopefully when I share my stories here on my blog and tell my patients about the Love of  God, I am planting seeds that will bring forth the fruit of salvation.  Every time, I listen to God when HE tells me to talk to others, share a book or a Bible with them, give them an uplifting note, or a smile, I am planting seeds of hope and love.  And someday they will have that peace of knowing HIM as I do. 

God is greater than our heart

     "God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us.   I read this quote yesterday on someones facebook page.  I have seen it before and have always loved it.  Knowing HE loves me that much is a comfort.  I know when I had my first child, Nolan, I was so in love with him that I couldn't imagine ever loving another baby as much.  But, of course then came Holly and Audrey and Faith! and my step son Jacob!  My capacity for loving them was always there and always enough!  That is how He loves!
     As I go through this life, trial after trial confronts me and those around me.  Recently my daughter lost her friend to a car accident, another friend lost their Mom and still another just lost her husband.  I have seen many of my patients pass from this life.  Four of them died in this past month alone.  My sister-in-law had a heart attack.  My youngest daughter suffers from anxiety.  My Mama is aging and not as strong as she used to be.   It is overwhelming.  It is exhausting.  Yet still, I carry on.  I look for the good and I lift my loved ones up in prayer.  I talk to God and I ask why and I ask him to heal and to strengthen and to comfort.  Sometimes I doubt my faith.  Sometimes I think angry thoughts and I think that I am not good enough or genuine enough.  This troubles me.  But I came upon a verse today that also brought comfort to me. 

"My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue but in deed and in truth.  And by this we know that we are of the truth and shall assure our hearts before Him.  For if our heart condems us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things."  1 John 3:20

My feelings are ever changing and my heart does condemn at times but it is my FAITH which I must count on as truth.  He knew beforehand that I would have these worries.  My actions and my giving to my family and patients are the fruit of what He wants me to do.  I am not enough but HE is more than enough!  Thank you for that Lord!  I will keep on plugging.

Childhood Memories (This is for you Julie and Mary)

                                                 1971

Mary ~ age 4              Janet ~ age 6           Julie ~ age 10

     I found this old photograph recently.  I am in the middle.  Julie my older sister by four years is to my left and Mary (aka Paco for her nick name) is on my right.  What a precious memory.  Julie and I in our matching one piece jammies.  Mary probably would have had the same pair if Mama could have found some in her size.  We are fresh out of the bathtub and Mumma has already pulled our hair back and out of our faces.  Something I continute to do til this day after I bathe.  We are scrubbed clean and excited about this photo which I believe my sister Ann took with her polaroid.  What a magical thing that camera was!  We excitedly watched our images appear as it developed before our eyes!   We are standing in the living room of our home on 638 Montello Street, Brockton, Mass.  So many memories in that little house where all nine of us were raised.  Though there are photos, there aren't so many when we are little like this.  But the ones we do have are precious and treasured. 

     Thanks Mama for the good care you took.  Dressing us pretty, curling and braiding our hair.  Even if it was lumpy and bumpy on the pillow.   Rubbing a little bit of VO5 on it to make it shine!  Always bringing us to church and dressing us up for Easter with bonnets, gloves and black shiny shoes!  Tea and toast and corn muffins on Sunday nights while we watched Disney movies or Shirley Temple movies together.  Playing hangman in the kitchen on the little chalkboard.   Squished together on the couch watching the Brady Bunch and Little House on the Prairie.  Oreos and sometimes even Ring Dings for snack with a glass of cold milk.  You were so busy.  You never even had a dryer for the longest time yet we were so well dressed.  Our fondest memories of you is when you could finally sit down at the end of the day with us in the living room and relax.  Love you Mumma!

When words are not enough

     "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do!"  I remember singing this song at Vacation Bible school and summer camp!   We more than sang it, we shouted it!  This song just came to my mind.  I was trying to think of a way to comfort my daughter today.  Words are insufficient.  But somehow this song came into my mind.  On this day, I won't sing it or shout it, but I will think it.  I can't sing today because of what happened. 
      Today, my 16 year old daughter found out that her friend died last night.  It was a car accident.  He was hit by a drunk driver.  Four teenagers were in this car and he is gone now.  The rest are hospitalized.  Six days ago, this boy called her and asked her to hang out.  She was thrilled.  She spent the evening with him and other friends.  She was hopeful, excited.  This morning she called me at work, crying, incoherent and in desperate need of someone.  Noone was home.  All I could do was promise to send someone there to comfort her.  I sent my sister Susan to help.
     Now, I am home and all I can do is hold her, hug her, dry her tears and listen.  There are no words to explain why God took home this young, vibrant 17 year old boy.  There is nothing to say to fix it, to bring him back, to make it right. 
     Never, has it struck me so strongly just how fragile life is.  To think that it could have been her in that car is unthinkable.  I did not know this boy and my heart sinks to think of the life and love of someone else's son taken away from them.  I am mourning for this beautiful lost life and my daughter's heartache.  I feel it to the core. 
     How can I comfort her, LORD?  How can I help her through this?  You are strong and mighty and yet I am whispering it now.  I can't but YOU can.  This I ask of you now, Jesus!  Comfort Audrey with only the comfort you can give.  Embrace her, and as angry and hurting as she is now, I ask that you carry that burden for her.  Show her YOUR love through amazing friends and family who will never turn away from her.  She will be crying out to YOU with every emotion but I ask that YOU will oh so gently whisper your love to her!  She is your precious daughter Lord and I trust you in this!
My words are my prayer and I ask this in JESUS name.  Amen

"The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,

because He has appointed me(JESUS)

to "heal the broken hearted" 

 To comfort all who mourn,

 To give them beauty for ashes,

The oil of joy for mourning, 

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

That they may be called trees of righteousness,

The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."

From :Isaiah 61

Discernment and Sincerity

     Discernment ~ I have been told by my good friend Lynne at church that  I have the gift of discernment.  I tryed to define that to myself.  I consider it to be a deep feeling or gut feeling of right and wrong in a situation.  An instinct of how things should go or be.  I looked for this word in the bible concordance.  The NIV note says this:  "The Greek word means moral or ethical understanding based on both the intellect and the senses.  The word implies perception or insight into social situations."  So I guess my own feeling on what it means was pretty close. 
The place in the Bible where the verse is found is

 Phillipians 1:9

"And this I pray that  your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment that you may approve the things that are excellent that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God." 

 

     Being such a sensitive spirit, I tend to spend so much time trying to gauge others feelings.  I look at their facial expressions, stance and attitude and try to figure them out.  It can be exhausting.  Especially when I really care about someone and they are unhappy.  I want to make them feel better or fix it.  And with some people, who I won't name, I can't figure them out or I get a feeling of unease around them.  This can be so uncomfortable to me so much so that my spirit feels heavy.  Then I try to protect myself from that feeling and wont get too close. 

     Then I looked at the part in the verse that says "that you may be sincere and without offense".  This is what I struggle with because if I can't love someone or don't trust them, then I find it difficult to be sincere in praying for them or seeing them as you do Jesus!  So I must continually place them at your feet Lord!  And trust that someday I may feel YOUR love for them.

 

     The note in my NIV bible on sincere reads as follows:

Sincere ~ this term literally meaning "judged by sunlight" does not mean "honestly trying hard" but rather pure, unmixed and free from falsehood.  Any spot in a garment could be seen by holding the object up to the sunlight.

    

 I want to love more and better.  I don't want to be forever protecting myself from people and situations.  I guess I spend a lot of time evaluating people which might be considered judging them Lord.  Help me not to be so judgemental.  But to evaluate on who needs you the most so that I can be their friend, love and pray for them!

     Let my sincerity be the kind that when I hold it up to the light, it is clean and bright and beautiful!  In Jesus name.  Amen.



Christmas Day 2012

Merry Christmas to us!

 

 

 

 

                                             Faith and Audrey didn't get up too early ~ 7:30!  

Merry Christmas Hunny!

 

                                                            Nolan showed up around 8:30!

Smiling for Mama!

 

 Winnie the Pooh was one of Nolan's favorite movies as a child. 

 I couldn't resist giving him this Little Golden

book featuring Pooh stuck in the gopher hole!

 

Snug by the fire.  Audrey's favorite place to be!

 

 

Grover enjoying his dog bone!
 

Messy, cozy Christmas mornin!

 

 Ta Da!  Faith and her new magic kit!

Snow Dog

 I took my first snowshoe walk of the year last week.  I like going and bringing Grover with me because he doesn't need a leash out in the fields!  As soon as I go outside and he realizes it is time for a walk,  he leaps and bounds through the snow almost like a bunny rabbit.  This day was no different.  We headed out back.  There is a small stream that we cross first, then a hay field and finally a gate through to the golf course. 
     The stream wasn't quite frozen all the way yet so I took a very clumsy jump across the foot or so of water and managed to land upright!  Grover just sloshed right on through.  Then he ran ahead and I broke a trail through the foot of snow on the ground!

Grover ran ahead exploring along the edge of the woods.  Every so often running back to me to make sure I was ok.  Eventually, after about a half mile or so, he ended up behind me.  I could feel him stepping on the back of my snow shoe every so often.  We trudged along.  I think we might have only walked about a mile when he really slowed down.  All of a sudden he bounded ahead and then  stopped and lay on his side.  I looked down at him.  I couldn't help but laugh when I realized that he was totally covered in snowballs on his entire belly and legs!!  He could hardly move another step!  He had huge snowballs stuck to the balls of his feet and hanging all over his belly and legs.  The poor dog was trying so hard to keep up with me.  I think this dog would follow me anywhere!  But then he just couldn't take another step!  What a dog!  I guess when he got wet crossing the stream, it caused him to collect the snow as he ran through it!  I got down beside him and tryed to remove the bulk of it!  Then I carried him to the stream and tossed him over! 

 

 

Here we are once we got back to the house.  Still a lot of snow stuck to the little guy.  It was hard to remove them all so we ended up bringing him in the house and running some warm water in the tub to get the rest of them off! 

 

 

I couldn't help but think about how loyal a dog is to keep moving even in such an uncomfortable state.  I think as people, we sometimes tend to do the same thing.  Leaping ahead.   Trying to get through life, carrying so many burdens, and worries.  Sometimes we try to help too many people or fix too many things.  We get so bogged down that we can't enjoy the "walk through the snow". 

      I am reminded that I can only do so many tasks in a day.  I must do the best I can but learn to say no. I must not take on too many responsibilities.   In my Bible study group today, my mentor, Lucy was saying that even though she often feels that she could help in situations; it isn't always her job to do so.  We must learn to do what we can where God has placed us.  He doesn't expect us to do it all.   So when I collect so many snowballs that I just lay down in the snow because I can't keep moving, He will brush me off and pick me up!  But why try to carry such a big load to begin with?  It is better to keep my eyes on HIM.  Let him break the trail and I will follow behind! 

Psalm 23:3 says

 "He restores my soul. 

 He will lead me in paths of righteousness for his name sake."

Thank you Lord for this lesson.

 

Christmas Decorating with Daddy and Mumma

     I went to the barn today to help Mumma and Daddy decorate.  Daddy handed me some gloves to help carry the Christmas tree in.  It's about 12 feet tall and very heavy.  He likes to do things at his own pace.  So I have learned to take direction and not rush him.  Thankfully, Joe had put it on the porch so we didn't have to drag it too far.  Daddy was huffing and puffing a bit but up it went.  So fun to hear his commentary.  For those who don't know him, he is sarcastic and goofy all at the same time.   Telling Mom he hoped she only spent $500 dollars on his Christmas present and why doesn't she help him up and down the ladder?  Of course then he started saying," don't make fun of me, you'll hurt my feelings."  "You know how sensitive I am."  He cracks me up because he is the toughest man I know.  You would be hard pressed to find a way to hurt his feelings unless you offend one of his children or grandchildren.  That is one way to hit his sensitive side!  I just so enjoyed him and his banter today. 
      So we got the tree up and then I went to the basement to bring up decorations for the living room.  Mama wanted to do a little bit at a time.  I know I probably didn't place things exactly as she would have but I tried to do my best.  It is frustrating for her not to do it all by herself anymore.  A few years ago she bragged how she had over a thousand lights lit up all over the barn.  No small feat for this little lady!  We had fun though, checking for working lights and admiring old decorations.  One candle still had a Woolworth sticker on it!  She has had it for 50 years! 
     I have to brag, that Mama fried me up so haddock for lunch with mushroom rice!  It was cooked perfectly!  I was hungry after vacuuming up all those pine needles!
     Then we watched The Young and The Restless and wrapped presents.  Daddy had gone out to get milk.  When he came in he told us "I'm losing it" cuz he forgot to go to the bank.  I think he is far from losing it!  He is sharp as a tack!  He strolled to the kitchen and came back with a big smile on his face.  "I got the squirrel in the rat trap!" he said.  "Merry Christmas to me!"  haha.  He told me he baited it with peanuts and didn't set it until the squirrel got used to it.  Then he got him!  What a character!  I love my Daddy!  I always wish I can capture his personality with words.  It is so difficult.  He is an amazing man!  Smart, tough, funny.  Did I mention that I love him?!

How ridiculous that Daddy ended up with this mug at the Christmas Party this year!

 

Thankful for Christmas Party

     Every year we have a family Christmas party at my brother Joe's house.  Jen, his wife is the real party planner.  She really knows how to plan big functions!  Tons of food, activities for the little ones and our annual "Yankee Swap".  You have to be there to appreciate it.  It used to be a fairly manageable crowd.  Some of us siblings got together and we all brought either a joke gift or some prized item that everyone would like to go home with. Like a potato gun, strobe light or Justin Bieber life size cut out.   But over the last ten years as our little ones grew up, the party became bigger and bigger.  This party probably had about 60 + people.  So the Yankee swap has become the "Big Event".  Everyone trying to outdo eachother by coming up with the best or funniest gifts. 
     Since the party usually coincides with my Moms birthday, we have cake and sing Happy Birthday to her.   This year she gave a short speech.  She said, I just want you all to know how happy I am that so many of you are here.  It means so much to me to have all of you together.   I want you to know that "my guy upstairs"  ~God~ is taking care of each and everyone of you!   The words may not be exact but they are close.  Knowing my Mom as well as I do, I know this.  That she spends much time in prayer for her family.  She doesn't sleep well at night so she spends a lot of time talking to the "man upstairs."  We are as blessed as we are because of this praying woman!  There is no doubt in my mind about that! 

Psalm89:1 says this:  "I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever;  With my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to ALL generations.  For I have said Mercy shall be built up forever.  Your faithfulness, You shall establish in the very heavens."  I believe this is what she was trying to tell her family.  All that He has given her in this wonderful family is a direct gift from Him!

  

                                             I think she is quite overwhelmed here.

 Pretty yummy cake!

 

I think Colby was the most enthusiastic singer!~

 

I heard Jimmy tell Colby that he could share his cake with him.  Colby replied "I'm not sharing"
 

These pictures might not be the clearest but they capture all of the craziness and fun!

 

 

 What is Ebonie thinking in this picture?
 

 Alex, Audrey, Emily, Jasmina, Olivia

"The Food Court"

 

 My Big Brothers ~Joe and Jimmy and Lisa

 Andy and Shanni

 Laura and Craig

 My favorite Rednecks

 Daddy enjoying some birthday cake!

 

Devon and Alex

 

Sammi and Olivia

Shanni, Julie and Andy

Mark opening a package containing 5 jars of homemade hot fudge sauce made by moi!

 

Freddy looking oh so impish!

 

Kristy holding the not so coveted peacock candle holder!

 

Daddy is such a good sport about his "prize."

Laura sporting her "I have been "T-bowtized" t-shirt!

Matt displaying his fancy "high heel wine holder", another not so wanted gift!

Jimmy fought to the finish for a box of razors with many refills!

 

Beautiful cousins and friends!

Wow, second cousins Ebonie and Olivia!

 
Plenty of fun and conversation!

 

Mikey and Laura

 

Julie is hastening to pick out her Yankee Swap gift!

 

Finishing out the party by decorating Christmas cookies!

And here is a final blessing on the FitzSimmons extended clan.
 1 Peter 1:9
"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation.  His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of GOD who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy."